Faggots in the Mounitans

PREFACE: Faggot in this case does not mean homosexual – far from it. In this case Faggot means the opposite of gay. These are the Alpha Males who use fake tan and hair products and moisturizes. These Faggots go out looking to start a fight and rape unsuspecting women on weekends then go out drinking with their Faggot buddies. Believe me, you know the type.

One of my favorite runs is up to Lithgow and the Blue Mountains. Way back in the day, when the first settlers raped their way from Botany Bay to the west, they came across a mountain range filled with Blue Gum trees. The story goes when these old cocksuckers made their way to the top of the range and looked out over the valley, the vapors from the eucalypts gave off a blue hue to the valley and surrounds. I have never seen it personally but regardless it is a beautiful area.

One particular trip to the mountains will stand out. It was an after work road trip, so it already had a different vibe. Dave had bought himself a new Bandit 1250 and the bike needed a good long shake down.  We set off though the long stretch of the M4, at a slow but comfortable cruising speed of 80KPH.

After about half an hour on the motorway, my head echoing the music of Queens of the Stone Age and Thin Lizzy and the nip of the cold night air making its presence on my noise and eyes, a dark colored Mazda sped past me. The kind of Mazda driven by faggots, Cock Suckers and Wankers.

Interestingly the rhythm of that sentence - Faggots, Cock Suckers and Wankers – follows in the scale of disgust these pricks illicit in passersby. These Alpha Male Faggots are by far the worst, followed by cock suckers. These are the people you hate; you hate them so much you say to your mates “here comes Joe, that cocksucker! Oh shit he is walking over...” Wankers on the other hand you can handle (no pun intended) in small doses. You still call them wankers to your mates, but an hour of conversation, you can stomach.

Anyway this Faggot speeds up to me and gestures.... Put that picture in your head; here I am, left lane of 3 lanes, doing MY speed limit, not weaving, not putting anyone out by my driving and this cock sucking faggot speeds up to me in the second lane and starts flipping me off. This prick is holding up the second lane and committing an offence to flip me off.

“What an asshole!” Said the disembodied voice of one of my heroes. The late and the incredible, George Carlin. I heard his voice and instantly agreed and did the only thing a rational, angry, careful, angry, responsible and angry driver would do; I gave him the finger and took aim at his car door with my right boot.

 
I missed of course and my foot swung wildly to the right. The Faggot saw my movement and sped on leaving me to cruse in peace and shake my head at the pure ridiculousness of the situation.